It troubles me to see this world turning into an absolute state of disrepair. Peoples’ greed has permeated through every aspect of our lives and culture. Now, the dog eat dog mentality comes before love. People think I’m crazy because I smile at them. I am trying to reverse this paradigm we find ourselves victims to. I know God is real. I know that Christianity is more than what it’s been exploited as. Constantine in 325 A.D. made the religion servant to the state. It was used to control people to conform to an ideal state of revenue and obedience. Gnostics were the first Christians. Jesus was closer to a mystic than the man they portray in the chosen Gospels of the circulating Bibles. There is so much people do not realize bout love and energy. When you are negative, you are channeling negativity. The Yin and Yang. There is a balance of course, and it pulsates. The ebb and flow. Some bad must exist. Think-suns and black holes. Black holes and destruction must exist for pure love and creation to exist. So, knowing that, we must train our minds to channel the positive energy. God made us all in his/her psychological image. We are all Gods. Just small. Think of the tree-we start with the roots using the decomposition in the soil to feed its growth. The huge trunk, then the branches into smaller ones, ever growing ever changing. The worlds we never see beneath the surface holds more value than we will ever truly comprehend. I love God. And that has been the most liberating moment in my life. God is LOVE. GOD IS LOVE. LOVE IS GOD. LOVE is ALL we need. Literally. Love is energy. Have faith and the rest will follow.
Your Face in Real Time
Across the mountainous wonders
the clouds gently tumble
the soft whisps caress her peaks and valleys
before slowly drifting back to the sea
each day before the sun breaks through
the cloud is predestined to dissolve
a cyclic dance between nature and resolve
the patterns provided give us life and beauty
but nature’s bounty is exploited
by a notion that she can be mastered or controlled
or worse, ignored.
if it’s too big to fail
then we are too small to care
too nuanced to ascertain
what exists on another level.
in an instant it could all fade away
she could be gone and her bounty would not reach this place.
its life would be left un-sustained
but the sun will still rise
and the clouds will still roll in
just maybe not here.
Swimming for all eternity
This substance is nothing to me
just a new experience
i can handle any drug
i can drop hit after hit
and be in control
it does not rule my mind
you do not rule my mind
i do not rule my mind
i rule not a thing
i have no desire for control
i like to be the
i can take it in and in
and it will not phase me
my consciousness is far removed
from my physical being
it separated a long time ago
it’s strange to be in such a world
it’s like I almost don’t exist in either of them …
i drift through this earth
not fully immersing myself in anything
unless i choose to
unless i choose you
i’ll show you what worlds can exist
when you are powerful enough to create them
i can make an infinite world
everything i imagine
i just picture you lying there
waiting for me
wondering what would be possible
if it did feel good
should you let yourself go
into my world
or will you keep the boundaries
either way is fine
it will not phase me
my world is beautiful
i feel no sadness
i feel no pain
unless i wish to
i suppose that is control
when you let everything go
everything bends back
warped and twisted
longing to be yours
life begins with you
begins with one whisper
a melancholy curtain
needs to be removed
so far from sadness
exists a perfect harmony
of everything we know
and everything we don’t
I don’t have very many credentials. I don’t have any publications, and no one but a select few really know I exist. I keep to myself for the most part. But I do have a creative expression that needs some sort of outlet, so I’m sharing them here. I was writing to my friend today about my childhood, being born into the radio industry through my grandfather Bob Grant. No one really knows much about him anymore, but in his day he was at least a recognizable name. Not that that matters. What matters is that I definitely get some sort of gratification from letting my thoughts out, like we all do, so here I am. I’d like for some people to take them seriously though, because I share them with a certain apprehension because I know they are taboo and not normal. And that makes me think at least I am still sane, because hey, I can rationalize that.
Anyway, when those people who do know me ask me what things I see lately, what I think about things…I don’t really have an answer right now. All I know, is a whole lotta nothing. Oh what is certain is what you can control inside your mind. I mean you can make it a playground in there if you want. It’s easy to make things easy. It’s also easy to fuck it up and make them as insanely hard and terrible as possible—-which is what a lot of us anxious-ridden, ambien sloppin whores have a problem with. We all have these grandiose ideas about what we want from the future…but we all take that future for granted. Oh my friend, what if that future didn’t exist? Then how would you be happy? Would you be happy with you, just as you are, in this moment as you stand right here? I don’t think a lot of people would know what to do, let alone be in a good enough mental state to handle such a change in their world like that. America is a gross culture that is on a decline. We are too big. There is too much consumption too much need, not enough resources. Everyone is a whore. Everything is industrialized. Nothing is sacred. People just take your money all over the place. Things lose their value quicker than anything I ever seen…I don’t even know how to keep up with new phones or the new this that and I’m only 26!
I guess my soul is tired. That’s what I feel like. I feel like I’ve retired from that collective consciousness and I’m waiting for the next grade to start in human history. I want to graduate to a higher level of thinking. And I’m waiting for everyone else to get on the same page. Until then, I’ll keep up my charade. But you should know that once shit hits the fan, I’m going to be so happy that I could be apart of the group that said “i told ya so.”
About a year ago, I was sitting in the doctor’s office, and I picked up Discover Magazine’s Top 100 Discoveries of the year issue. Inside it, they discussed these chickens, who have half male half female cells. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/8561814.stm
The scientists theorize that the chicken’s cells follow their own chromosomal guidelines, unlike the traditional mammalian model where it is accepted that the gonad’s hormonal release dictates what characteristics the cells will take on. When the scientists tested their hypothesis: “They found that female donor cells embedded in male cells didn’t assume male functions. Similarly, male donor cells in an ovary-inducing environment didn’t take on female roles. The team concluded that the cells couldn’t switch sexual roles and that their orientation was fixed before they arrived.
Next, the researchers want to show by just how much these sex differences precede sex-hormone influences. ‘We believe the cells know they are male or female at fertilization,’ Clinton says.”
Now these exceptions aren’t just limited to chickens, they have found the same pattern of development in mammals as well. What’s interesting about all this is that it takes gender away from the gonads and puts it into the body itself—inside the cells. This cellular level of gender challenges what we dictate as the be all and end all of sexual development. Now what could be possible is that what makes you a man is not your penis per se, but your body itself. The hormones tell your cells what traits to take on, but fundamentally, they could be male or female, and that could explain why transgender or intersex people feel so terrible and confused about their body’s development. Could you imagine having primarily male cells, and developing with female hormones? Oops. God has a sense of humor. Your brain would be very confused, looking in the mirror, your cells screaming out to develop in a different way. The way you feel you should be isn’t the way you look, and now you’re in quite a predicament.
It’s a plausible idea.
Additionally, I believe that transgender people should not be classified as trans but as intersex. I think all this reference to gonadal development is too revealing and causes negative stigmas to develop in others before they even have a chance to get to know you. I mean, we don’t go up to people we meet and immediately disclose how big our dicks are. If we did that, the people we meet and know would always have that in their minds when they’re thinking about us…how uncomfortable is that?? I think that the intersex identifier would give more legitimacy in peoples’ eyes to their condition. It implies at least that the male parts are there, in addition to the female parts. When you say just transgender, I feel that people just think the transgender person only feels they are male, and that they don’t have any real male parts to base their transition on. And that way of thinking takes away from that transgender person’s identity…makes them less of a man in the judging person’s eyes.
Why do I speak of this? I suppose all these commercials with dancing with the stars and all these political news channels analyzing the shit out of the Chaz Bono. I feel bad for the guy to be honest. To be under that kind of scrutiny, and to know that everyone knows your penis is missing or it’s really small/underdeveloped? I mean that’s just not fair. If we were gonna make this even, all guys should have to disclose their penis size then when they are identified. Then everyone can be judged equally. I mean think of how much your social and professional life would suffer if you had to disclose that you had a micro penis? Everyone would hate you.
But in all seriousness, since I am a peaceful fellow, I must say that the best way to solve issues of sexism and genderism and all other forms of sexual exploitation, we must take away from judging based on genitals. We must educate the newer generation the same way we educated them that black people were not lesser than white people. We have to understand that what makes the man is not what hangs between his legs, but what resides within his heart and soul.
“rose colored glasses”